How do you say no?

[finley1991]

Other than just saying it!?!?!!

This is kind a vent but I am really asking for good wording to respond to this person...

I have a friend who over Christmas when I was really slow (I mean, who does a show on Dec 26th?) I helped paint her kitchen and we hung out for a few days because I didn't have any shows going on.

Fast forward to the last month... she has been on my case because I haven't had time between my show schedule, my FPU class, coaching my 5 new consultants (adding 2 more tomorrow!!), helping my mom recover from back surgery and everything else that takes up life, to hang out with her. She wanted to go to the movies last week and each night she had "free" I had a show or a meeting so I couldn't go. When I declined she ragged on me (and threw another friend of ours under the bus who is a massage therapist) that if the two of us had "real" jobs, we would have more time to socialize. (With that.. I wasn't complaining that I didn't have time to socialize... she was complaining that we didn't have the time to socialize with her). I explained to her that when she leaves her corporate job, she's done with work for the day/weekend. My job isn't like that. If I am home at night, I'm usually making calls, closing shows, getting ready for show, coaching, etc. or having a night to myself!!!!!

In any case, today I get an e-mail that she's taken the next 10 days off of work and wants to lunch, go to some museums and have me help her stage her house because she's going to be selling it. I so don't have the time (or desire at this point). I explained that I am working daily (like always) and that it's not like it was at Christmas when I had a week off myself and my mom was healthy. She knows that I have siblings and tells me that they should be helping me with my mom (I don't disagree with that but they don't so it's a moot point).

So I don't know what to do!!!! I get so frustrated with the "well since you don't work" attitude!!!!!

Any good words I can use to express that I do have a real job and that I work it daily and don't have time to "play?"

Thanks for listening and for your help! :(

[dannyzmom]

I am PMS'ing this week so you REALLY don't want to know thw words I'd be using with her - LOL:devil:

[DebbieJ]

Sounds like you don't want to hang out with her.

But if you do, find a time to go out and set a date. That will appease her for now.

I find people do not understand that we never stop working. I've turned my sister down for lunch dates enough that now she just doesn't call.

[ChefLisa]

This can be so tricky and I am not 100% sure of the right words to use.

However, I suggest first sharing with her that this is not a job to you, you are a business owner. In order to keep a business going, you need to put time into it. You need to nurture it to keep it growing. Maybe even show her your paycheck so she sees it is a major source of income for you!

If at all possible, definitely try to do something with her during the 10 days she is off. I suggest a lunch date. That way you can hopefully fit her into your schedule, while having an end time. Make sure you have something on your schedule after the lunch.

I hope that helps a little.

Good luck!

[pamperedbecky]

I don't know what words you could use either. Hmmmm. It does seem like she just doesn't understand. And who knows if she ever will. If I were in this same situation, I'd probably just try to find an hour somewhere where I could go grab lunch. Would she be happy just meeting for coffee or something less time-consuming?

Sorry I'm not much help!:o

[cmdtrgd]

Ask her to come over and help you put host kits (or something along those lines) together and you'll make lunch...it's her time to help you since you helped her last time.

[finley1991]

Deb, you are right... I don't want to hang out with her. Not sure what's going on with her but recently it has started that when we are together, she is very critical about what I do and other things going on in my life and has no problem telling me what she thinks. She just got a new job and raise and will be moving in 3 weeks to Ohio. I'm doing my best to stay positive and she totally brings me down. That's why I don't want to be around her.

All of the responses have been great! Thanks everyone!

I guess the other thing that is frustrating me (oh... so many things these days) is that I met her through an organization we volunteer for together. Tomorrow night (after my New consultant training in the morning) some of us are going to the homeless shelter to give easter baskets to the kids that are spending easter there. Part of why I have been so busy is working on this project which I am really excited about. She won't help with the project because she has too much going on in her life but then gets upset that I don't have time to hang out!

Okay.. .done ranting... I'll see if I can work in lunch next week. Maybe one of my sisters can take my mom to physical therapy and I can work it out.

Thanks again for your responses!!! YOU ALL ROCK!!!!

[amy07]

wow! Are you her only friend? If she is moving in 3 weeks, sounds like it will take care of itself.

[finley1991]

wow! Are you her only friend? If she is moving in 3 weeks, sounds like it will take care of itself.


Basically yes I am her only friend left... She has a huge ego and is always telling us about her MBA and high paying job etc. Everyone got sick of being around her and listening to her be critical of them, their jobs, their relationships, etc. She just doesn't know when not to say something... she doesn't understand the concept of the golden rule. It's sad and I think part of the reason she is moving is because she doesn't have a lot of friends. She joined the volunteer group to make friends but won't help with any of the projects so it is what it is. And you're right... it will be a moot point in three weeks anyway. Except in the meantime, she keeps hinting, well not hinting, coming out and asking who's throwing her her going away party!! :bugeye:

[bethcooks4u]

Bless and release.

Personally, I would have lunch with her but I would have something planned so it's just lunch. And I would not plan any going away party for her. Your schedule is too packed. If she asks you or brings it up I would point out that while your schedules and priorities are different you are just as busy as she is and unfortunately your off time doesn't coincide with hers.

[finley1991]

Thanks Beth! Those are great ideas and great words to say!!!!

[finley1991]

Just an update on this saga since I last wrote about it... (three days ago.. YIKES!) Within the last week, she has e-mailed me every other day and on the days that I haven't gotten an e-mail, she's left me a voicemail. Over the weekend, between the latest e-mails and voicemails, I started to get a creepy feeling in my gut. Not sure why but I'm listening to it because it made me feel uneasy.

I hadn't responded to the voicemails and e-mailed her back this morning saying that the next two weeks are very busy (which they are) and that I really am not sure when and/or if I would be able to meet up with her.

I immediately got an e-mail response saying that she understood and then she asked me to pull out my calendar to see how soon I could come visit her in Ohio once she moves. I'm at the point where I am almost feeling stalked. I know she's not stalking me but it's just starting to feel weird...

So in any case... sorry to keep sharing the drama... actually I hope it can serve as an entertaining break from everything for all of you! :)

[amy07]

single white female?:bugeye:

i would respond that you have upcoming traveling expenses with your business (nat'l conf) and that while she doesn't view it as a real job, it provides real income. ;)

[legacypc46]

So in any case... sorry to keep sharing the drama... actually I hope it can serve as an entertaining break from everything for all of you! :)

Oh lordy colleen, this is more frightening than entertaining! :eek: While it may have been benign when she initially became 'your friend,' it sounds more and more like a power struggle on her part. Contacting you every day goes beyond respectful, and acceptable, boundaries. You may just have to tell her she seems to want more than you can give, but that you wish her well in Ohio...yada yada yada.

...and if you do meet with her, meet somewhere public! yikes!

leggy

[finley1991]

Thanks Leggy!

I will see her at least once before she leaves... possibly at a birthday party Saturday night and at a bridal shower on April 6th. She will also be returning to attend the Bachelorette Party (april) and wedding (may) so when I do see her, at least I won't be alone! Safety in numbers!!!!